Over the next few weeks, I’ve invited some of my dear blogging friends to share words of encouragement here on the blog while I rock my newborn baby and get some much-needed rest. Today, I’m thrilled to invite Sara Borgstede on my virtual back porch to eat some blueberry scones and chat how to handle it when your child gets rejected. Her words are beautiful, authentic and raw. I hope you are as encouraged as I am by her story.
The phone call came at the worst possible time.
I was in the middle of dealing with a behavior crisis at home when the phone rang. I tend to ignore the phone and let it go to voice mail when I’m with my children, but I knew I needed to answer when I saw this number.
“What do you mean he can’t come anymore? He’s only be there a few weeks! It took us months of paperwork and phone calls to get him into your program!” I practically shouted into the phone.
I could hear my 11-year-old son banging upstairs in his room. He was the subject of our phone call. With his intense behavioral and emotional issues, getting him the services he needs is as much a full-time job as is caring for him.
“I’m sorry,” I heard her say, “but we have decided your son is not a good match for our program. Have you tried talking to your Medicaid representative about other options?”I took a shaky breath, attempting to calm myself, before answering her.
“Medicaid representative? I’ve been working with her for months to get him into YOUR program. Please, is there anything you can do for us? I would really appreciate…”
“The decision has already been made. Have a nice day.”
With that, the phone clicked.
My son had been rejected from yet another program, and my heart broke once again.
Exhaustion settled heavy and dark on my shoulders. Tears dripped onto the i-phone screen as I attempted to type out a blurry text to my husband with the latest bad news.
From a practical standpoint, I was faced with no childcare – again. From an emotional standpoint, I felt like I had been slapped.
What’s wrong me with that my child keeps getting turned away? Have I not parented well? Was there something more I could have done?
What Every Mom Needs to Know
Your child may or may not have special needs like my son does, but every mom faces the day when your child deals with rejection. It might be rejection from a group of friends, a scholarship not won, or a program that says no.
How do you handle it when your child is rejected?
These times hurt, don’t they, friends? You love your baby with everything in your mom heart. (And I don’t care how old he or she is, your child will always be your baby.) You would give your life for this child.
It’s tough to know sometimes when to step up and advocate, and when to step back and allow your child to face it and learn from the experience. For the times you need to step back, it helps to know you are not leaving your child to face it alone. You are there in the background to offer guidance and loving support.
This morning I read from John chapter 6:
All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.
Jesus offers total acceptance. He will never reject you when you come to him. He will never reject your child. This is radical. You don’t get this type of acceptance and pure love anywhere else in the world.
What Every Mom Needs to Know About When Your Child Get Rejected
Here are 3 practical steps to take when your child faces rejection.
- Allow yourself (and or child) to feel the pain of rejection. It’s real. Give your child a safe space to share his or her feelings too, if needed.
- You’ve got me, kid. No matter what happens out there in the world, I want my kids to know I’ve got their back. Our family has its dysfunctions (what family doesn’t?), but we work together as a team.
- God offers total acceptance. Your ultimate rest comes in knowing Jesus accepts you when you come to Him. Rest in His grace, and lead your children to Him in their tough times.
Have your children faced rejection? How did you handle it?
Sara Borgstede is a speaker, writer, triathlete, wife and mom. She and her husband, Mike, have 5 children and were foster parents to 35 others. Sara is a 100 pound weight loss success story. On her website, www.theholymess.com, she leads women in balancing faith, family, and fitness. Find Sara on Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram, and leading her online fitness program for women, www.faithfulfinishlines.com.